Principles of Forgiveness and Reconciliation between members of the Household of God Philemon 17-20

¹⁷ If then you count me as a partner, receive him as you would me. ¹⁸ But if he has wronged you or owes anything, put that on my account. ¹⁹ I, Paul, am writing with my own hand. I will repay—not to mention to you that you owe me even your own self besides. ²⁰ Yes, brother, let me have joy from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in the Lord.

In this beautiful letter of fellowship in Christ; The Apostle Paul writes to a church leader and co-labourer in Christ; Philemon, to advocate for the forgiveness and restoration of Philemon’s run away bondservant; Onesimus. For a bondservant to escape in those days; was a serious legal offence and Paul knew it well.

On the other hand; Paul had “fathered” (spiritually) Onesimus while in prison (verse 10) and Onesimus had been a faithful helper to the aged apostle. With wisdom and insight; Paul appeals to Philemon’s proven character of faith in the Lord and love for God’s people as his primary method of persuasion. (Verse 4) In addition; Paul legitimately pledges to recompense Philemon for the wrongs which Onesimus had committed. (Verse 19)

Principles for successful forgiveness and reconciliation between believers:

1)      Admit the wrongs that were committed between disputing parties. The Apostle Paul does not minimize or deny the wrongs that were committed by Onesimus to Philemon.  (Verse 11 , 18) Often in our day of moral tolerance and psychiatric counselling; calling out sin is unpopular and politically incorrect. Onesimus had broken his legal contract with Philemon and there would be consequences.

2)      Appeal to People based on godly virtue and moral excellence. People will respond better to positive reinforcement rather than guilt or shame tactics. Nor does Paul use his apostolic authority to lord it over Philemon but rather expresses confidence in his friend’s proven character. (verse 21)

3)     Be willing to help right the wrongs committed. Because of Paul’s love for Christ and love for the church, He personally got involved in Onesimus’s problem. No doubt it would cost Paul something to help but he considered helping his brethren reconcile a matter of great importance.